...hmm...

This is the first post on the blog that will eventually make me famous, the blog that will make me a household name like Jesus or Bon Jovi. I'd better make this good.
Today, me and my buddy John stopped at a mini-mall near our respective homes to get coffee at a health food grocery there. Unfortunately, this was no ordinary mall, but the mall, where I spent large chunks of my adolescence getting stoned and sinking further and further into indolence and despair.
Fortunately life took a sharp upswing six months or so after my eighteenth birthday and I stopped kicking it in front of stores and bothering security guards. Instead I got a car and a job and a course load at a local community collegein my area. Still and all the place maintains a lingering hold on me, and though I'll be twenty soon people still know me at that fuckin' place.
The technical term for an adolescent jobless wanderer is "gromit" (gromitus despairidae) if they frequent a particular location they are occasionally known as "rats", as in "starbucks rats". Lately I've noticed isolated gay gromits, who sneak around curfews and other archaic parental legislation to gromit around the San Diego queer scene. I've noticed them more lately because a few come into my work and bother my manager, a lovely person and about the biggest queen I've ever known personally. He achieved a bit of notoriety and tries to maintain a low profile of late, particularly at work, but these damn kids constantly insist on wandering in and blowing up the spot on him.
Poor guy.
Anyhoo, John and have barely got out of the car, when one of these gay gromits accosts us in the parking lot. He starts yammering aimlessly about some bullshit I could care less about as we make our way to the store, weighed down by this slow moving kid and his ditzy rambling. Like most of the queer kids his age that I know, this kid came out of the closet with a vengeance, and has strict parents who monitor his grades and probably drug test the shit out of him. I don't know why these things correlate, or if my experience is just weirdly skewed or what, but this is the trend I've observed.
If this dude had been the end of our daily dose of gromitry it would have been fine. On his own John and myself could contain him. But Lo and Behold, along comes our friend Irish, with three of these little fuckers in tow. These were a heartier and more seasoned brand of gromit, and the first little dude wandered away. He was there with his mother, and I don't think he wanted her to see him in such company. I can scarcely say I blame him.
This brings me to the crux of my tale, a female gromit was among them, younger than the rest by a wide margin. Only fourteen years old. Too young to remember the OJ simpson trial or Beavis and Butthead or the Paula Jones scandal. Too young to even remember the Clinton administration with much clarity. She was hanging around with a group of people who, though not bad in and of themselves, were guaranteed to get her in a bunch of shitty situations, and I'm sure she was thrilled to be there.
To be fair, I can't say I was all that much different at her age, but there are a couple of worrisome things about her behavior. The most irritating thing about her is that she wildly overcompensates for her meager years by being unneccesarily assertive; badgering people and cutting them off mid-sentence, forcing her hopelessly naive opinions on you when your just trying to get a cup of coffee before your next class. Now I know I probably sound like an elitist twat, and I know I'm not exactly a craggy eyed wellspring of hard won wisdom gleaned from long lean years, but come on! Fourteen!
Case in point as to why this is so revolting: this girl started doing ecstasy when she was thirteen. A lot of it. Also, the other day she baited me into a horrifying conversation starting innocently enough with
"I did so much physical activity yesterday!"
"oh yeah? What'd you do?" I asked.
"I walked around in the sun all day and I had sex for like FOUR HOURS" yecchh.
(NOTE: I don't care if she has sex, even at that age if it's consensual and she enjoys it, but the very fact that she would drop detail like that in conversation as a way to score points or something makes me wonder whether she's ready for something like that.)
And so on...

The worst part is I know she probably has crazy street cred with her little friends for doing these things. Up to the age of twenty two or three she'll probably still brag about all this shit happening to her at such a young age in a tone of feigned regret. She's a typical member of our generation. Poor girl. Poor us. Poor everyone.

After this post I'll try to start talking about other, less ridiculous topics having nothing to do with my OG status in the Gromit Kingdom. I'll post better shit, I promise.

I just had to start somewhere.